Things To Avoid While Shopping

Greetings Bloggers! As you may or may not know (probably not), Natasha’s birthday is this Monday! In preparation for this monumental event, Kristen and I decided to go shopping today and buy her some presents. She’s probably reading this now so I won’t go into details but suffice to say, it was indeed a crazy afternoon. Between being tripped by evil little kids, knocked over by their mothers and stalking someone outside of a bathroom for ten minutes; I’ve decided that the mall is a suburban war field, and should be treated as such. If, for some reason, you can’t avoid going, I’ve luckily decided to type up some things you should be wary of. Here are a few “things to avoid while shopping”.

1. Stressed suburbanite moms wielding a large array of bags

I think that you’d be pretty stressed too if you had to chase your little devil spawns across the mall. But that doesn’t mean you can just speed walk down the hallway while ploughing old ladies, baby carriages and pregnant women with your monstrous amount of bags. How do you have time to buy all that? Why would you want to buy all that? But most importantly – where does it all go? This brings us to point number two, minivans that take up all the spaces in the parking lot. Some people think they’re more efficient for bringing the little ‘uns to soccer games, but I disagree. Clearly, the real use is to fit in all of your shopping bags, while your kids are squeezed out of their seats and into some corner of the trunk. Not that it’s any less than what they deserve for knocking over random people in the hallways.

For the record, you can clearly identify stressed suburbanite moms by their haphazard dressing techniques, exhausted expressions and the sheer amount of makeup they wear to cover up wrinkles. My mom is a Mary Kay consultant, and I know makeup, but they wear enough to land a guest spot on Star Trek. Beam ‘em up, Scotty. (They’d probably like to get away for a while.)


Bags are deadly in even the most unlikely hands.

2. Slow walkers

I can definitely understand the wonder and excitement of window-shopping…okay well, no I can’t. But maybe I’m just biased, I mean, if you see an outfit you really like in the store window, it’s understandable if you slow down a bit to get a better look. However, walking down the hallway at a snail’s pace is NOT ACCEPTABLE. I don’t care if your bag is heavy or if you’re leisurely eating some ice-cream, the general population has places to go and people to see, so don’t give me a dirty look when I jump past you, it could’ve been worse.

Of course, that last statement is made assuming I can actually get past this “slow walker”. The worst thing about their kind is that they like to walk in a zigzag fashion. Previously I said that the mall was a suburban war field, and I stand by that, but usually people only zigzag while being chased by some sort of wild animal. So if you’re walking in front of me and think I’m stalking you like a predator chasing it’s prey, just remember that I’m five feet tall and get over it. And please, do not zig when I zag.

3. Old “friends”

You know the kind of people I’m talking about, the classmate you knew in elementary school but haven’t talked to since. And then, right in front of you, they appear. Like a hallucination after way too many drinks or the Philosopher’s Stone in Harry Potter. So, this person you knew a while ago is in front of you, but you haven’t spoken to them in years, what do you do? Well, that’s a good question and one I’m not sure of. In my situation, I just ducked behind a coffee stand and hoped she didn’t see me. Luckily, she didn’t and my day went on as normal as possible (which isn’t very normal at all).

But now, the image is still in your mind, and you end up seeing this person everywhere. Namely, walking into the bathroom in the food court, where I promptly sat at my table and had a stakeout for a good ten minutes before mustering my courage and going inside myself. After checking all the stalls and not seeing the girl I knew, I had to wonder…Kristen’s overactive imagination, or alien technology? You be the judge.


Well, that’s all for now…check back for more malls tips and tips for 10th! Speaking of school (urg) Kristen and Tash are going back tomorrow, so look here for some very interesting blogs about their first days – and hopefully something actually about Biology! Yay!